Surprise Interview!

Recently, out of the blue, I was contacted by the least expected individual imaginable! Not only has he never spoken with me before, he's long been reputed to not be able to speak at all! But now, after years of careful study, practice, and preparation, he has solicited my interviewing expertise to finally give him a voice!

Cheryl: Well! Welcome to my blog! This is such a pleasant surprise! I have heard about you, read stories of your daring escapades, your traumatic upbringing, and your loyal friendship to two fellow bloggers, but never have I heard you speak! Tigey, why have you stayed silent for so long?

Tigey: Well, Mademoiselle, eet ees seemply because I have been meesunderstood for so very long. You see, ma cherie, eet ees these, how does one say, these stupeed americans. Please, do not meesunderstand, I am quite, how does one say, fond of them, eespecially Monsieur Gilles, who has for so long provided me weeth lodging and food, and friendsheep, but, alas, I have come to zee end of zee rope. Il faut etre entendu. Oh, pardon, one must be heard.

Cheryl: But I don't understand. All these long years, surely Bobby must have realized you could speak?!?!?

Tigey: Mais, no, mademoiselle, zat ees zee problem, you see. I of course did try to communicate with zee american, mais, c'est impossible! Il ne comprend pas, he thinks eet ees just roaring! Seemply because I am a tiger! While I am, how does one say, fond of him, he ees quite discriminating! Seemply because zee rabit speaks thees most ridiculous form of Engleesh, he thinks, but of course, zee Rabit can speak! But seemply because zee anglophile does not speak le francais himself, il pense que, pardon, thinks that I can not speak! But of course I do! I speak zee most beautiful, zee most deestinguished... (elapses into a string of French that eludes the translators)

Cheryl: Um, Tigey?

Tigey: Ah, I digress, pardon. But of course, eet ees all because I am, how do you say, one who eats zee cow?

Cheryl: Eats zee cow?

Tigey: Oui, of course, zee cow, zee chicken, zee human...

Cheryl: Uh, carnivor?

Tigey: But of course. I am a carnivor, as you say. So theess american hears all my utterings in this, zeemost beautiful, disteenguished, perfect language, he hears zee roar!!!

Cheryl: Zee roar?

Tigey: Oui, zee roar, as tigers do, of course, (Roars loudly)

Cheryl: (short pause as she settles back into the chair she fell out of) Ah, yes, of course. Hmm. So then, you spoke only French, when did you start to learn English?

Tigey: Well, ma cherie, after all zee years, zee long years, with out a voice, I of course pick up an Engleesh phase here, a word there, but do I use them? No! Why should I, master of zee superior language, lower myself to this, this...

Cheryl: English?

Tigey: Oui! Exactement! C'est ridicule! But, finally, when at zee home of zee lovely Mademoiselle King, a lady with an apreciation for my home, her beutiful language, her grande culture! How I wished to stay! But with no way of expressing my true wishes! Rabby, as always, did zee talking, and I, I held zee tongue, and then back at zee home of zee anglophile, I broke. I couldn't take zee silence one moment longer. So I use zee anglophile's, how does one say, computer? Yes, I use this, I order such wonders as "french to engleesh in six weeks" and "in flight Engleesh." I study these for months, and now, at last, voila! Je suis ici!

Cheryl: Fabulous! And what made you choose this blog? Why not the anglo...uh, I mean Bobby? Or Rabby?

Tigey: They would not leesten! They could not understand! You at least appreciate my language, my struggle. So they will see me here, and they will know, thees the sacrifice I make to be heard, to be understood.

Cheryl: I see. So...um...where are you going?

Tigey: I am famished! There are people back there, no?

Cheryl: No! I mean yes, but no! Um, let me order you some pizza?

Tigey: Ah, yes, Pizza delivery garcon, yes, always salty, very good.

Cheryl: Um, I meant, I mean, um, ok, thanks for being on my blog today!

(follows after Tigey as he goes backstage...)